How to speak to ex husband but be ertive when standing up for kids and myself?

well even if you went to court the courts cant make you all get along... what you have to do is put your foot down, no more mrs. doormat.... tell the girlfriend to out.... and if she doesnt then call social services, get them involved and explain that her traingular way of raising your kids is stressing them out and ruining your relationship with them... your the mother, you gave birth to those kids not her... so stand up to her...... as for the ex... theres a reason hes an ex.... good riddance, you have to stand up to him too.... dont listen to his crap and honey, get a lawyer and get some sort of proper custody agreement and stick to it by the letter... in that agreement you are to be notified if the kids are sick when with him, when they miss school etc. thats your legal right.... but taking all this on without a court doent gives him the power, you need all that stuff in writing and stick to it... dont communicate with him other than within the perameters of the agreement.... no more mrs. nice doormat ok? You cannot control what they think of you but you can control whether or not they are allowed to poison your kids.... get social services involved to monitor it.... they can offer you other services as well...... but stop taking this on thinking its better for the kids.. its not... look whats happening..... its not working..... anyway, sit down and write out what you want.... and get it legalized.... and dont go over and above for the ex and the gf...... stick to the doent..... god luck